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20 Apr

There are two things that need to happen here.

1. Contact does need to be ended in a way that is satisfying for you.

2. You need to work on your marriage, so that the void your husband is feeling can be filled by you, and the marriage you create together on the other side of this mess is one where you are both happy and fulfilled.


When people end their affairs, they go through a grieving period. They often think they are/were in love with the other person. Really they were in love with the way they felt. It is the reflection of themselves in the affair partner’s eyes, which they love.

An affair is an escape from reality. The fantasy of an affair serves as a temporary numbing of pain we may have in our lives. Like being a drug addict or an alcoholic, once our “high” wears off we are left with even more pain, and added to it is the mess we’ve made of our lives.

Generally it takes 3 – 6 months for this grieving the loss of the affair period to pass. It’s similar to the period of time where an alcoholic is sobering up. Before they “thaw out”, they generally don’t think logically, they make a lot of mistakes, and often aren’t very nice. They don’t come on their knees begging forgiveness like one might expect. That comes later.

Contact with the 3rd party will only serve to feed the affair, and after renewed contact the “thawing out” period begins again. Your gut instinct is right in not risking your family’s wellbeing by agreeing to this attempt at closure, which more than likely will have the opposite effect.

People who are caught up in affair fantasyland have a very difficult time ending their affairs. Many want permission to end their affairs gradually. I have yet to work with a couple where this gradual ending of the affair approach ended in a restored marriage.

My own husband said that when I insisted he end his “friendship” (as he called it then) with the other woman, he felt like he was cutting his right hand off. That’s a pretty strong analogy. From those who have made it, we can assure you this is necessary. The “I’ll-quit-slowly” approach to ending affairs is not effective.

via How To Be A Better Husband – Passionate Life Seminars.

The Duggar House Guidelines

5 Mar

I may think they’re kooky, but they have good household guidelines to follow.

Q: What techniques do you use to handle discipline problems and keep your homeschooling on track each day?

A: The Duggar House Guidelines:

  1. Always use soft words, even when you dont feel well.
  2. Always display kind actions, even if you have been mistreated.
  3. Show joyful attitudes, even when no one is looking.
  4. Have sincere motives with no thought of self-gain.
  5. Think pure thoughts.
  6. Always give a good report of others. Never tale-bear unless physical harm will come to someone. Use Matthew 18.
  7. Never raise a hand to hit.
  8. Never raise a foot to kick.
  9. Never raise an object to throw.
  10. Never raise a voice to yell.
  11. Never raise an eye to scowl.
  12. Use one toy/activity at a time.
  13. Never let the sun go down on your wrath.
  14. Dont go to bed angry or guilty
  15. J.O.Y. Make serving your family a priority. Put Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself last.

via Homeschool View | The Duggar Family on Homeschool Organization – Alpha Omega Publications.

Funky playroom mood board

20 Jan

Color Scheme: Chalkboard paint on walls. White trim. White Roman Shades on windows.

1. Paint existing bookcase white and get cute boxes (about $10 each) to store toys.

2. Slipper Chairs – diy instructions at the link. ($20 each)

3. Black and White Striped Rug – paint it from a remnant. ($15)

4. Floor cushions – sew it yourself ($20 each)

5. Table – I expect Dad to make this, along with the rolling storage underneath!

6. Colorful curtains to hide laundry area.

7. Fun Art – Print cool images at home and use a frame from a 2nd hand store. An over-sized Scrabble tile would be simple to make and look tres chic! A gallery wall isn’t complete without an artwork display frame ($15) – for all those art projects that mysteriously multiply.

My Boring Ass Life » Witness the birth of the SMonologue!

21 Dec

Ignore the flock of Wah-Wahs, focus on what you love to do, and earn off it. And remember: once you get paid to do ???it, doesn’t matter whether someone thinks you’re good at it or not; opinions pay imaginary rents, kids. You get paid to do it, you’re a pro.

via My Boring Ass Life » Witness the birth of the SMonologue!.

Seth’s Blog: Is effort a myth?

13 Dec

Effort is a choice, at least make it on purpose:

1. Delete 120 minutes a day of ‘spare time’ from your life. This can include TV, reading the newspaper, commuting, wasting time in social networks and meetings. Up to you.

2. Spend the 120 minutes doing this instead:

  • Exercise for thirty minutes.
  • Read relevant non-fiction. (though this eats up a lot of my time already)
  • Send three thank you notes.
  • Learn new digital techniques.
  • Volunteer.
  • Blog for five minutes about something you learned.

3. Spend at least one weekend day doing absolutely nothing but being with people you love.

4. Only spend money, for one year, on things you absolutely need to get by. Save the rest, relentlessly.

If you somehow pulled this off, then six months from now, you would be the fittest, best rested, most intelligent, best funded and motivated person in your office or your field. You would know how to do things other people don’t, you’d have a wider network and you’d be more focused.

via Seth’s Blog: Is effort a myth?.

Best of 2008-2010

12 Dec

These are the best links from the past 2 years of the web, according to me!

on business

on crafting

on decorating

on family life

on fashion and sewing

on finances

on romance

on food

on gardening

on homemaking (cleaning, organizing, etc)

on homeschooling


Quick little faux-cleaning tip for you.

6 Dec

Take your counter spray and spray a little whiff of it on your door frame. Your house will smell divine every time you walk through or open and shut the door. And your husband will assume you’ve been cleaning today instead of reading blogs. Yes. You’re welcome.

via My Secret House Cleaning Ritual REVEALED. | The Inspired Room.


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